Morning Meditation

This morning in mediation, I was disrupted by the sound of traffic. The roaring din of I- 95 impeded my focus and weighed heavily on my heart. Rather than watch my breath, I watched my inner critic rise up in abject disdain for our collective infringement on the Eco-system.

And then, my attention was interrupted by the wild call of the ducks and egrets; the rustling of the leaves and the sun beating upon my forehead. Just as I was about to surrender my commitment to meditate, I experienced a harmonic convergence. The din of the traffic melded with the sounds of nature and viola... I found myself at one with everything. Not unlike the Buddhist mind of non- duality... I experienced a moment of true harmony where adaptation (on both sides of the equation) from humans and nature-- resulted in a moment of perfect harmony. Everything meshed. I was inside that glorious moment.This morning's meditation was not what I expected. What a blessing! May you find fortune in the unexpected gift that rises up in the moment.

Love Makes Life Happen ------- Just the Way You Feel It!

I've been told to set goals, make vision boards, write down what I want; exactly how I want it, specifically and clearly, deep from within my desirous heart... ad infinitum. And it has worked, somewhat. Not 100%, not all the time, here and there. A little of this, a little of that. But somehow, a little bit of doubt and a little bit of uncertainty can sabotage a dream -- big time!

Yesterday,however, I had an aha moment.

Have you ever had a time in your life, when something you dreamed about having or experiencing happened? It was bigger than you could have imagined, better than you ever believed... it was the stuff that grace and gratitude is made of and just the fact that it happened, was enough fuel for years of faith.

Years ago, as a high school dropout, I went to visit a friend at Stonybrook University on Long Island, NY. While on the campus, I saw a sign that said, "Undergraduate Admissions." I heard myself say, silently, "I'd love to go to Stonybrook University." It was an innocent thought energized by a deep love for education -- and unfortunately, an education that I could not get in public school. And to my surprise, only an hour after uttering those words, I was accepted on the spot with a handshake and a hearty welcome.

Years later, another thought about traveling to India, turned into a great two week adventure throughout the country.

And just last night, I realized, I am living a thought I had a few months ago. I never said I want - I need - I have to create or manifest or attract. I said, I'd love to..... That was it, those were the words, I'd love to... so go ahead, fill in the blank with what you would LOVE TO... live, do, see, feel, experience ... and trust me.... Love makes life happen just the way you feel it!!!

Sterling Spin Radio Show!

While sitting in the Cancer Center at the University of Michigan, waiting for the oncologists report from a suspicious CAT scan that I took on a lark, I had the sudden realization that life is happening now. I'd been putting off my dreams and wishes for a couple of years, thinking, they're there, I'll get to them just as soon as I finish... and I could fill in a hundred things, all the time. Waiting in the doctor's office, a funny sense of urgency began to take over.

Since that day, almost three months ago, I have gathered friends old and new around me, and we have come together with the sole purpose of creating a powerful and passionate radio show, Sterling Spin. Many of the people and events that are part of creating this experience have been magical; filled with the very energy and dedication I am ready for in my own life. Now I can share my journey with you and maybe, just maybe, help you have the energy and dedication in your life, to honor your dreams and wishes and make them come true. Tune in and listen every Thursday, Friday and Saturday on AM 1470 WWNN radio in South Florida, listen live on the Internet, or download the archives at SterlingSpin.com. Get ready for smart talk, real alternatives and the truth, straight up. I have so much to share.

Walter Cronkite Was The Best Teacher I Ever Had!

Walter Cronkite was the best teacher I ever had. As a young journalist and broadcaster, I was truly lucky to secure an interview with Walter Cronkite. Just a few hours before our meeting, I glanced at his picture and thought he looked old. That momentary glance found its way into every question I asked him. " In your day," I referenced more than a few times and he picked up on my limitation.

Clearly, I had pegged him as a man whose day had passed and he felt it would be wise to teach me a lesson or two. "Liz," he said, "If I were to imagine the causes you are actively involved with, I would venture to say you care about the environment and maybe the PTA and the rights of animals and the ..." and each time he pigeonholed me, I started to resent being projected upon... and then, I got it. That's what I had done to him.

Through example, he illustrated what it feels like to be stereotyped and Walter Cronkite, the consummate gentleman, was able to convey this to me right in the heart of our interview.

Once I surrendered my projection of him as an "old man" I was truly able to see him in his brilliance and to recognize that he had a heart of gold. He cared deeply about our changing world and was concerned about how the media has morphed. He advised the following:

1. Educate Yourself - Don't buy into soundbites
2. Speak Up and Speak Out - it's our right to be heard in America
3. Don't Stereotype - Learn to listen and perceive from your heart
4. Be Proactive - Know you can make a difference

May Walter Cronkite Rest in Peace. I know his memory will live on... in me... forever.
He was the best teacher I ever had.!

Earth Day - Desert Flowers

This is a true story....

It was 7 AM and I looked out my bathroom window. I saw a police van and three police cars. My first thought was my son. Was he home in bed, safe and sound? Then I wondered if someone was hurt.... or did I do something wrong?

The doorbell rang. I sent my husband and stayed back, fearful of what I might hear. "Crime," I heard the officer say through the cracked bathroom window where I stowed myself safely. "There was a crime in the neighborhood," he went on to say.

Then the words muffled as husband and the police officers moved toward the street.

"Yes," I heard my husband say. "That is my wife's car." I was dressed by then and walked outside as if on cue .

"Mrs. Sterling, we need to ask you a few questions. OK?" "Of course," I replied.

Do you smoke crack, they asked me. Of course, I don't and they asked me to look into the car seat and to report what I saw. I noticed my car was ransacked and there were glasses on the drivers seat and a long glass rod (aka - Crack Pipe) I confirmed it did not belong to me.

The police notified me that a man was apprehended in my car smoking crack and looking for valuables in the middle of the night. He was in custody and he would be charged as such. I was asked for permission to dust for fingerprints. I agreed.

After the police left, I took my car to be cleaned. I noticed a box I received a year ago from a friend; I had shoved it into the glove compartment. I didn't even know it was there until I held the empty box in hand. It once contained a beautiful kaleidoscope that was handmade in New England. I have a vague memory of it. Never even used it. Never took it into my home. Discarded it and now, I hold an empty box in hand feeling I lost something I didn't even know I had. Funny thing, huh?

Here's the not so funny part.... I had images of the man in my car. All day long I imagined his look, smell, lifestyle, cadence of his voice. I imagined him sitting in my car and it turned out, I relied on all the stereotypes that have conditioned my consciousness. The man who entered my car, ransacked it, smoked crack and left his pipe behind was a 47 year old white Jewish man who has clearly lost his way in life.

I may have lost my kaleidoscope that I didn't even know I had, but what I gained is much more important. I gained compassion for someone who is suffering, acceptance that I let my imagination influence my perception and appreciation that sometime or another, we all lose our way. May Robert, the man who entered my car, find his way. And let us all pray.

A Tough Day Gets Easier

Why Now? Facebook and Feelings

Why Now? Why is Facebook bringing up so may feelings. And most of them, at best, are reministant of high school.

From day one -- a few weeks ago, it became a contest. How many friends could I get? How many did others have? Would I get in to the right group? Did I have good enough material?

I am not pround of these thoughts... they were showing up as part of my internal dialogue. I didn't plan to be inundated with disruption in my everyday perception. It just sneaked up on me.

Should Facebook be for self promotions? For community gatherings, For self- indulgences? For connecting with old friends?

No matter what my take is on it ... it's happening on every level and clearly, bringing people together. In my case, it's bringing me into my old patterns of thinking and feeling.

And I can tell you for sure, this feeling thing... is unnerving. I thought all my adolescent insecurities were over. The occasional competitive edge is OK, even healthy. But wanting to be in with the right group at 50 is really weird -- or sad -- or--- an opportunity.

Ram Dass once said that the shadow thoughts will never leave entirely. They are likely to submerge under the surface, show up less often, but they are still with us. This Facebook craze may very well be a parting of the waters. At least it is for me.

"So use it Liz,' I hear myself say. 'Stay with the feelings, discern what is true. Be who you are.. that's the great stuff we are all made of." And I hear myself in what I say to others... Focus on the good, you will see more of it. Listen and learn... insights are delights.

So, I stay connected --explore more and emerge each day a bit more excited to join my friends on Facebook. Facebook and feelings. If not now... when?

Sublime Surrender

Krishna Das taught me about sublime surrender in Miami on Valentine's Day. Before heading down south, I braced myself for the crowd. Not too many devotees of Neem karoli Baba and Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati, make their way to these parts of the world.

No ticket in hand but a promise from a friend of a friend to purchase me a ticket was all that was offered upon arrival at the Trinity Episcopal Cathedral.

I had to find this woman... although I didn't know what she looked like. A woman with dreadlocks was all I had to go on. Christie was her name. She held my fate in her waiting list hand ..number...62. All in all over 200 people were on the wait list.

Hundreds -- hundreds of people waited in line. Some had not checked in and others were holding a place in line to get a prime position at the pew. A waiting list room was airless and the energy rivaled the twirling chaos before the big bang. All I wanted to do was escape. I've got to get out of here, I thought. crazy crazy energy...

Up until this point in my life, I haven't let on, except to a few close friends, that I avoid crowds at all costs. Something in my energy body goes haywire and I lose all sense of self.

So wouldn't you know, while heading to the waiting room, down a long narrow corridor, I blew a gasket and started to vibrate with ricocheting energy. Shaking internally and sweating externally, I saw an open door and made a beeline.

I was intercepted by a man who asked what I needed. Mumbling somewhat incoherently, I indicated that space was all I needed. QUIET space. He ushered me into a small room that offered cushions, I placed one on the floor - took up half lotus position and began to chant OM.

The man and everything else disappeared. I found bliss within. Nothing mattered. I was safe and the cacophony of sounds melded into sublime surrender.

A few minutes later the gentleman offered me assistance and led me hand in hand to the registration table. He proceeded to secure me a ticket to the event when a woman greeted him warmly... "Krishna Das," a big kiss followed, " Namaste. Oh, I figured it out. It was Krishna Das who was holding my hand and leading me to safety. Funny how life works...

My girlfriend asked me how it all happened? According to the Law of Attraction, I shouldn't have gotten a ticket because all I kept thinking was, " I'm outta here!"

Yet a door opened and I took the opportunity to exit, which allowed me to enter a new realm of divine intervention. The assistance, the support... Maybe it does comes from sublime surrender.

Oh, and the a final note:
I hooked up with a friend and we entered a side door of the church because she is healing a leg injury. In the first pew was Krishna Das's travel mate from India, my friend, Ram Giri.

A big hello, hug, warm wishes and an invitation to sit in the front row. YES, I said with my friend and her husband in agreement that this would be a good place for me to sit... sublime surrender, kick ass kirtan and a whole lotta of love.

What a great Valentine's Day ... and did you know ... The moon was in the 7th house and Jupiter aligned with Mars?

Time Out for Time In

Coming back from retreat has been awkward. Disproportionate attention to grievances has mingled with the acceptance that I am the one looking.

As fear coincides with hope this New Year, I am reminded of some simple truths:

1) Take time out for time in

2) Bring out the china and crystal

3) It's OK to lose your way -- it's only for today

4) NOW is all we have

5) '09 rhymes with Divine

May creativity, prosperity & health be abundant this year.

Going Deeper

In my desire to go deeper, a random pick of three weeks for a desert retreat -- turned into a potpourri of celebrations.

During my stay, unbeknownst to me at the time of booking, the following holidays were honored with various rituals:

Fall Navratri, nine days to honor the Mother.
Rosh Hashanah - "The Day of Awe" Jewish New Year.
Yom Kippur - Day to "Atone" become "At One"... with Self, All Life and God.
The Feast of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, known as the Little Flower.

The Feast of St. Teresa of Avila

This confluence of events has led me to believe that there is a great connection that links and binds us all together.

Although religions and traditions follow their own unique guidelines and teachings -- the core of our praying, seeking, searching, worshiping is one and the same... we seek to feel a deep connection to life, nature, purpose, God, the Divine Mother, Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Mohamed.... and the list goes on.

Going Deeper

Going deeper, going within,

not to a place,

nor to a height,

nothing to achieve,

nor to delight.

Going deeper to

balance the senses,

bombarded with processes

and silly old messes.

Going deeper offers new ground,

fertile areas not to be found.

Just a place to root and grow,

like the flower that bends just so,

holding firm to moist soil,

wet with dewdrops of lament and toil,

All this is written in history books,

void with naughty and hallow looks.

Go now and pierce the hearth of each day,

so you can go deeper,

and find your own way.

Held Captive

I have been held captive by the deserts call,
walking step by step through he scruffy underbrush,
careful not to disturb the prickly cactus.

High above the trees the clouds tumble in,
obscuring the snow capped peaks;
leaving me breathless...speechless.

Every cell of my body is enlivened here in the desert.
Words and thoughts do not root, each moment a sacred gift.

Plans and purposes meld with fleeting moments,
to quick to capture in poetry, prose or plots.

And yet, I walk along the path that has been forged by the hungry souls that prayed before me --- seeking serenity in solitude.

Here in the desert, on this monastery...
it is the ultimate experience of God laughing at the human plan.

And yet, it is truly Divine!

Two Worlds

A young woman who lives in two worlds,
awakens to poetry,
words dance across her mind;
enlivening the senses,
one by one.

Transported from sleep,
the images produce greater awareness
of awareness;
leaving the dreamtime,
behind.

Small acrobatic leaps
burst forth with delightful images
and invitations;
to merge into today,
holding the promise of liberation.

And then,
the to do’s come into focus,
and the promise fades away;
in a swallow or gulp, if you will,
of preparedness.

Jumping up,
she moves forward;
leaving behind the mingling of two worlds
that become one, once again.

Fear and Faith

There is only one way to categorize this life that I am witnessing…it is filled with fear and faith. Everyday, as if on cue, each rises up within me. Thoughts permeate the horizon with projections that create everything from exuberance to exasperation.

It all began on Saturday when I actually looked at the components of a book proposal. Yikes, geeez, wowweekoozoowie, what have I gotten myself into? This is a complicated convoluted, complex undertaking. Demographics, statistics, platforms, market strategy...couple that with the book; defining, proposing, hooking literary agents and publishing houses… yikes is right.

A stream of doubt… uncertainty…. more doubt…..resistance….all rise up simultaneously and then a gentle voice pushes through the throng of disjointed thoughts…. Go to the desert Liz, do your work, do not be concerned with the fine details today. No do’s and don’ts. What is before you now? Trust… have faith. Turn toward the fear – embrace it and through it you will feel faith, inner guidance, trust and confidence.

Yes, yes that’s what is being called for… confidence. And with the Jewish New Year just days away…

It is the perfect time to imbue the deep abiding faith that inherently drives this soul to reside in truth and see beyond the projections, the false sense of unworthiness and the distortion of separation.

Norman Vincent Peale once said, “One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.”

Tomorrow I will drive into the desert and once again be nurtured in an environment that both consoles and brings light to the darkness. I know my true purpose in embarking on this part of the journey is to steep in these rich life filled moments and carry the essence into prose.

Join me throughout the journey…. multimedia presentations will be enhanced with blog updates.

Alecia Berman-Dry, thank you for the blogging tutorial. Your loving support is deeply appreciated and I am forever grateful to you. You fill my faith wallet aplenty.

May clarity arise from each vibrant moment today and when fear and faith meet again, as is often does, may confidence dispel the fear and restore faith, moment by moment, breath by breath.

Higher Ground ~ Crestone Spiritual Centers

Hot New Author -- Loves Blogging

This Hot New Author doesn’t profess to know all that much about the blogging world—what I do know is this --- I love Blogging!

Where else can one person on this planet of 6.72 billion – connect with just the right people--- from one simple blog?

My last blog – Seeking a Literary Agent – proved VERY fruitful. My first response was from Kim Weiss at Health Communications, publishers of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

At her request, I promised to present my proposal to HCI upon returning from this 40 day trip. I also found camaraderie again with Kim as she too has made entry into the blogging world.

Kim is a multi- talented artist. You can see it on her blog. A lover of animals, music and reading, I know you will be inspired.

And my good friend, NPR contributor and woman with planetary passion, Judy Martin, was a guest blogger on Kim’s site. Be sure to check out Judy Martin’s enlightening newsletter as she navigates the waters in a world fraught with chaos.

And speaking of chaos – we all know these are tumultuous times. And out of this uncertainty – one thing is for sure --more and more, through the medium of film, documentaries are coming forth heralding a New Age. Not the frou-frou, air head, disconnected new age psycho babble of the last 1/3 of the past millennium – I am talking about movies that are forging a new consciousness.

From the upcoming documentary, With One Voice, to be released in December 2008, we learn that, “We have reached a pivotal point in human history and the possibilities for the evolution of a humanity that can live in peace, is upon us.”

“From the mystics,” we learn, "All of our problems are in reality one problem – a loss of connection with the infinite source that sustains us all. And their solution is simple: reconnect.”

Matthew Flickstein has produced this inspiring documentary, With One Voice: The Meeting Point of all Spiritual Traditions. He will be in Boca Raton on September 28th at the Unitarian Universalist Church at 7 PM.

So how do we bring forth that which is calling to be birthed on our planet today? I mentioned it in my last blog – we create a vision board. And so, after posting a picture of my vision board on this blog, I was contacted by author, Joyce Schwarz.

Her upcoming book, THE VISION BOARD: The Secret to An Extraordinary Life, will be published by Harper Collins on October 28th. It's already #21 on Amazon’s Spiritual Category and Oprah just featured the Olympians who made vision boards to help them achieve their phenomenal success.

So I am postulating – proposing – encouraging you all to make your vision board for a peaceful new world.

What will it take for YOU to be peaceful? Create your perfectly aligned vision statement --- what you see, feel desire and wish for our world and then… bring it to life on your board.

See your innermost awareness for our healthy, connected, peaceful planet come to life.

I will become certified with Joyce Schwarz to facilitate vision board programs. Let’s plan to do this together!

Now you know why this Hot New Author --- Loves Blogging.

My Own Personal Olympics

My own personal Olympics is underway. It began the day I returned home from retreat.

Hubby was hospitalized with pancreatitis for 12 days-- my male offspring
(19 years) who refuses to move out, bought a 650 cc motorcycle and the good old reliable "Shock Collar" for our 8 month old Doberman Pinscher ( Monty the Monster) was MIA, along with 5 pair of my shoes that were scattered throughout the house in various stages of consumption.

No problem, I'll chant the Hanuman Chalisa and all will be well. But that didn't work.

Internally, I began melting down and shutting down. The Olympic flame within was extinguished and my fire, passion and motivation waned. Couple this with 40 days of bills, paperwork, a really messy home and empty fridge and .... meltdown.

Menopause Meltdown!

Hormones flying, I became a rageaholic and knew it reached its peak while shopping in the supermarket. I had a long list of items to purchase and began in the produce isle.
(I have noticed it is worth comparing prices between the conventional and organic items.)

Believe it or not, sometimes the organic is cheaper or a few cents more. So item by item, I was going back and forth from one section of the produce department to the other, comparison shopping, when I noticed, many items were not stocked.

I asked the produce attendant to check in the back, first for broccoli, then for parsley, cilantro, and finally... when there was no kale for my green smoothies, I began to feel uh...frustrated.

This quickly turned into helplessness when I realized I spent 1/2 hour in the produce section with almost nothing to show for it in my cart. MELTDOWN. and so I began to cry. Over kale no less.

And I realized, 40 days in the desert is a profound action that has produced new perspectives.

Upon returning home, I can now see, I am seeing with new eyes. Things that are fast paced do not suit me as they did before. My internal speed is still...considerably slower than the average speed. This does not make for an Olympian gold in the true sense of the word but it has allowed me to do a little comparison shopping in the outer world.

I am preferring parks and playgrounds to malls and movies. I bask in the sun and look for excuses to be outside. I have not "put my thoughts together" on paper, until today.

Rather, I have enjoyed allowing the moments to blend and meld as thoughts swirl and whirl into a beautiful spin art of a life -- that is both enchanting and unpredictable.

Writing form Ann Arbor, Michigan, I was scheduled to be on a plane right now, returning from a scheduled trip to visit my mom.

She is out of breath. All the time. A diagnosis of emphysema and COPD in May has taken to her psyche like crazy glue to the skin. She is showing all the signs of authoritative projection incorporation. What the doctors say is gospel and she is the ultimate manifestation of the living word.

She is living their word -- so these past few days, my offer to her -- is to honor her voice within. I have advised and cajoled her to listen, with an open heart, to her inner wisdom and to deeply take stock of her inner awareness.

The results have been good as she has been proclaiming for the past two days, "Elizabeth, I am breathing well." And she is. I have changed my flight from today until Thursday and will escort her to the pulmonary specialist on Wednesday.

For Mom, I am an Olympian. When it comes to truly healing the heart -- the soul and the psyche, Mom's have a great impact on how far we can go.

My own personal Olympics is not what I expected... yet I am with full conviction that right here, right now ... I am going for the gold!

Here, I Am!

Here, I am, flying. And I love flying! Something happens at 37,000 feet that awakens my senses and stimulates my spirit. I’ve always felt flying lifted me higher.

I have just taken off and in a few hours, I will arrive home for the first time in 40 days.

I gave my window seat to a young girl who was separated from her sister. You could see, she was visibly upset sitting in the middle of two strangers in row 20 while her sister sat in row 25.

I am now sitting next to a church youth director who has a quote from Isaiah 6:8 tattooed in Hebrew on both her wrists. It reads, "Here I Am, Send Me." “Send me where?” I ask her. “Send me anywhere God wants me to go,” she answers.

In this section of the Bible, Isaiah has just learned that with all his human infractions and all his limitations, he had been totally cleansed, forgiven and purified. His iniquity was removed. And out of this pure moment of being fully enlivened by God’s divine grace, he responded spontaneously and unconditionally to the call.

If Freud were sitting next to me, he may discount the synchronicity of this moment but Carl Jung, on the other hand, would be applauding the magnificence of the grand design, for we are all being called.

I essentially lived in my friend Doug’s studio for the past 3 days, recording then listening, at least a half dozen times, to every word written during my 40 day retreat. I relived the joy and sadness, the healing and the insights, the longing and the purification the desert delivered.

The awareness of presence has been etched into my consciousnesses yet each moment requires a recommitment to living in this presence, to listening for direction and responding from the heart of compassion.

The final exam came a few days ago when my beloved husband fell ill and I was asked to see with new eyes. I can now love without wanting and can allow life to be as it is.

I still want to control outcomes. I still see how I love to do things my way. This aspect of my personality is very present. I can witness it and get caught up by it. Yet now, it bows to evolution.

And so this journey has been a blessing, a gift and an experience that I cherish deeply. The audio book, Summer Solstice… 40 Days and 40 Nights, will remind me to be… to listen and to respond unequivocally by saying… Here, I AM!

You Don't Have To Figure It Out

I don't have to figure it out! It is more fun to be moved by life, by the wind, by beauty.

Listening to flute music in the background, a fountain in the foreground, my friend, Numerologist, Michael Brill, has welcomed me back into the world.

It has been a gentle re-entry -- caressed by the beautiful and enchanting New Mexico landscape.

Upon leaving Crestone, I had the opportunity to visit with John Milton, the father of the environmental movement. "It's too late," he said. "We have already screwed up the earth. Maybe Ronald Regan should not have removed the solar panels from the White House and undone all Carter's efforts to prepare for the travesties we are experiencing today. The forests and oceans are so compromised that the damage has been done. It is only a question of how much. Everyone must become aware and conscious of their relationship with Gaia. NOW!"

We walked together on sacred land, practiced some chi gong and appreciated the simplicity of nature at her best. John was preparing a small group to go on Sacred Passage and invited Michael and me to partake in the conversation. We truly learned about the life of the rock people, the stones and the water. It was a beautiful gift -- a morning with John Milton .

Leaving the ashram was very emotional and I cried for two days. I learned to surrender, to love, to be loved, to be reverent, to bow to sing to chant (japa) and to work - also known as karma yoga. The ashram offered a huge teaching about the divine lila -- and all the characters were wonderful teachers. I am forever a grateful student.

I met great international teachers including Loving Relationships Founder, Sondra Ray, Swamiji from Sai Maa's Ashram, John Milton, as mentioned above and Shaykha Fariha al-Jerrahi from the Sufi Order, with a heartfelt thank you for the beautiful green glass earrings.

I also had the opportunity to meet Roshi Joan Halifax at her Zen Center, Upaya, in Santa Fe. Our conversation was relevant to our fast paced society and she offered this bit of wisdom... STOP! Get off the activity treadmill -- STOP! Go Deeper. Cultivate compassion and kindness.

I will post our conversation on my website when I return home in August. In the interim, you can listen to great interviews in the archives with well-know teachers and authors including, Ed Begley, Jr, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, John Tesh, Joan Borysenko and lots more.

The ashram chants are still in my head. This is very good. Instead of noise, I hear God's song. But don't get me wrong, I can have noise and God's song playing at the same time. And I can see how they play simultaneously. Fortunately, the noise is quiet right now.

It's been an initiation -- this 40 day sojourn was not to provide me with answers or to show the way. No. It was an opportunity to see with new eyes. Here's how I know.

While in the woods with John Milton, the sacred grounds were highly charged. I even heard and sensed a being, not in form, walking through the forest ringing lovely bells. I thought maybe it was a bird, but upon questioning John, he confirmed, it was indeed a non physical being. Magical.. that's all I can say.

Anyway, after a bit of time, I took out my camera to shoot a few pictures an the LED screen was shattered. This, on my brand new Nikon, was rather upsetting. I was upset and yet, I surrendered. I went out and bought a throw-away for the rest of my journey.

Then I wondered, could I still take pictures. Even though I could only see 1/8 of the picture in the shattered screen, I could extrapolate and see beyond the screen. I did this and... it was a lesson in seeing anew.

Our conditioning is deep. Really deep. And then Roshi asks us to go deeper than our conditioning. That means to see through a new lens. This pilgrimage has been eye-opening and uplifting. It is exactly what happened while traveling from Crestone to New Mexico.

Michael and I stopped on the side of the road. I have affixed an ankle bracelet that has small bells on to my purse. A crow heard me walking and heard the bells. He was enamored and each time I gently rang the bells, he cocked his head and leaned toward the sound.

I walked closer and closer and as I was approaching, he seemed transfixed. Then the wind started to pick up and the bird was visibly being moved by the wind. Yet the bells were more enchanting and so he steadied himself on the table that was offering him support.

Finally, the wind moved him and he was forced to fly off. He waited on the ground because the bells were so enticing --- he didn't want to leave. How I viewed this experience was different from how he experienced it.

For me, I saw what happens. We get caught up, transfixed, mesmerized, obstinate, stubborn and unmoving until finally --- a giant wind moves us.

The lesson: Allow the wind to move you, even if you don't have a clear direction.

"Let yourself be moved by life," I heard Hanuman in the wind say. "You don't have to figure it out."

She Called Me Out

She called me out with her eyes. Deep into me she could see. "What are you saying, Liz," the penetrating look asked. "Don't you want to tell the truth?"

I was frozen in the moment when a visitor to the ashram observed me rationalizing an action which became an outright lie. The crazy thing is... I believed what I said. Here's what happened.

A few days ago, I made a new raw food -- almond veggie burgers. The batter is like a pate and is dehydrated after it is shaped. The reality is I made a ton of batter. There was more than what was needed. I must have tripled the recipe.

I took the leftovers and offered it for a side dish for lunch. Everyone enjoyed it... but there was such an abundance -- there were leftovers.

The next day, someone asked what the pate was for. Oh, I said, I prepared it for lunch, to go with the salad. We didn't have enough side dishes.

This is when the ashram visitor, Jenya, called me out. She was witness the day the pate was prepared. She saw yellow and red tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, pumpkin seeds, dulse and avocados -- all available for the choosing to accompany the salad. She knew there was more than enough food. But I didn't.

Here's where rationalization comes into play.

I felt terrible for making so much batter. I know the ashram counts every penny. They make and sometimes feed hundreds of meals a week. I couldn't accept my wastefulness so I made up a story to soften the discomfort.

I told myself and believed that the extra food was needed. If it hadn't been for Jenya calling me out, I would never have known how rationalization truly works.

Now I ask myself, "Can I turn rationalization into realization, and will this help keep me honest, with myself first and then... with others?"