You Don't Have To Figure It Out

I don't have to figure it out! It is more fun to be moved by life, by the wind, by beauty.

Listening to flute music in the background, a fountain in the foreground, my friend, Numerologist, Michael Brill, has welcomed me back into the world.

It has been a gentle re-entry -- caressed by the beautiful and enchanting New Mexico landscape.

Upon leaving Crestone, I had the opportunity to visit with John Milton, the father of the environmental movement. "It's too late," he said. "We have already screwed up the earth. Maybe Ronald Regan should not have removed the solar panels from the White House and undone all Carter's efforts to prepare for the travesties we are experiencing today. The forests and oceans are so compromised that the damage has been done. It is only a question of how much. Everyone must become aware and conscious of their relationship with Gaia. NOW!"

We walked together on sacred land, practiced some chi gong and appreciated the simplicity of nature at her best. John was preparing a small group to go on Sacred Passage and invited Michael and me to partake in the conversation. We truly learned about the life of the rock people, the stones and the water. It was a beautiful gift -- a morning with John Milton .

Leaving the ashram was very emotional and I cried for two days. I learned to surrender, to love, to be loved, to be reverent, to bow to sing to chant (japa) and to work - also known as karma yoga. The ashram offered a huge teaching about the divine lila -- and all the characters were wonderful teachers. I am forever a grateful student.

I met great international teachers including Loving Relationships Founder, Sondra Ray, Swamiji from Sai Maa's Ashram, John Milton, as mentioned above and Shaykha Fariha al-Jerrahi from the Sufi Order, with a heartfelt thank you for the beautiful green glass earrings.

I also had the opportunity to meet Roshi Joan Halifax at her Zen Center, Upaya, in Santa Fe. Our conversation was relevant to our fast paced society and she offered this bit of wisdom... STOP! Get off the activity treadmill -- STOP! Go Deeper. Cultivate compassion and kindness.

I will post our conversation on my website when I return home in August. In the interim, you can listen to great interviews in the archives with well-know teachers and authors including, Ed Begley, Jr, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, John Tesh, Joan Borysenko and lots more.

The ashram chants are still in my head. This is very good. Instead of noise, I hear God's song. But don't get me wrong, I can have noise and God's song playing at the same time. And I can see how they play simultaneously. Fortunately, the noise is quiet right now.

It's been an initiation -- this 40 day sojourn was not to provide me with answers or to show the way. No. It was an opportunity to see with new eyes. Here's how I know.

While in the woods with John Milton, the sacred grounds were highly charged. I even heard and sensed a being, not in form, walking through the forest ringing lovely bells. I thought maybe it was a bird, but upon questioning John, he confirmed, it was indeed a non physical being. Magical.. that's all I can say.

Anyway, after a bit of time, I took out my camera to shoot a few pictures an the LED screen was shattered. This, on my brand new Nikon, was rather upsetting. I was upset and yet, I surrendered. I went out and bought a throw-away for the rest of my journey.

Then I wondered, could I still take pictures. Even though I could only see 1/8 of the picture in the shattered screen, I could extrapolate and see beyond the screen. I did this and... it was a lesson in seeing anew.

Our conditioning is deep. Really deep. And then Roshi asks us to go deeper than our conditioning. That means to see through a new lens. This pilgrimage has been eye-opening and uplifting. It is exactly what happened while traveling from Crestone to New Mexico.

Michael and I stopped on the side of the road. I have affixed an ankle bracelet that has small bells on to my purse. A crow heard me walking and heard the bells. He was enamored and each time I gently rang the bells, he cocked his head and leaned toward the sound.

I walked closer and closer and as I was approaching, he seemed transfixed. Then the wind started to pick up and the bird was visibly being moved by the wind. Yet the bells were more enchanting and so he steadied himself on the table that was offering him support.

Finally, the wind moved him and he was forced to fly off. He waited on the ground because the bells were so enticing --- he didn't want to leave. How I viewed this experience was different from how he experienced it.

For me, I saw what happens. We get caught up, transfixed, mesmerized, obstinate, stubborn and unmoving until finally --- a giant wind moves us.

The lesson: Allow the wind to move you, even if you don't have a clear direction.

"Let yourself be moved by life," I heard Hanuman in the wind say. "You don't have to figure it out."