Here, I Am!

Here, I am, flying. And I love flying! Something happens at 37,000 feet that awakens my senses and stimulates my spirit. I’ve always felt flying lifted me higher.

I have just taken off and in a few hours, I will arrive home for the first time in 40 days.

I gave my window seat to a young girl who was separated from her sister. You could see, she was visibly upset sitting in the middle of two strangers in row 20 while her sister sat in row 25.

I am now sitting next to a church youth director who has a quote from Isaiah 6:8 tattooed in Hebrew on both her wrists. It reads, "Here I Am, Send Me." “Send me where?” I ask her. “Send me anywhere God wants me to go,” she answers.

In this section of the Bible, Isaiah has just learned that with all his human infractions and all his limitations, he had been totally cleansed, forgiven and purified. His iniquity was removed. And out of this pure moment of being fully enlivened by God’s divine grace, he responded spontaneously and unconditionally to the call.

If Freud were sitting next to me, he may discount the synchronicity of this moment but Carl Jung, on the other hand, would be applauding the magnificence of the grand design, for we are all being called.

I essentially lived in my friend Doug’s studio for the past 3 days, recording then listening, at least a half dozen times, to every word written during my 40 day retreat. I relived the joy and sadness, the healing and the insights, the longing and the purification the desert delivered.

The awareness of presence has been etched into my consciousnesses yet each moment requires a recommitment to living in this presence, to listening for direction and responding from the heart of compassion.

The final exam came a few days ago when my beloved husband fell ill and I was asked to see with new eyes. I can now love without wanting and can allow life to be as it is.

I still want to control outcomes. I still see how I love to do things my way. This aspect of my personality is very present. I can witness it and get caught up by it. Yet now, it bows to evolution.

And so this journey has been a blessing, a gift and an experience that I cherish deeply. The audio book, Summer Solstice… 40 Days and 40 Nights, will remind me to be… to listen and to respond unequivocally by saying… Here, I AM!