Sunday, August 17, 2008

My Own Personal Olympics

My own personal Olympics is underway. It began the day I returned home from retreat.

Hubby was hospitalized with pancreatitis for 12 days-- my male offspring
(19 years) who refuses to move out, bought a 650 cc motorcycle and the good old reliable "Shock Collar" for our 8 month old Doberman Pinscher ( Monty the Monster) was MIA, along with 5 pair of my shoes that were scattered throughout the house in various stages of consumption.

No problem, I'll chant the Hanuman Chalisa and all will be well. But that didn't work.

Internally, I began melting down and shutting down. The Olympic flame within was extinguished and my fire, passion and motivation waned. Couple this with 40 days of bills, paperwork, a really messy home and empty fridge and .... meltdown.

Menopause Meltdown!

Hormones flying, I became a rageaholic and knew it reached its peak while shopping in the supermarket. I had a long list of items to purchase and began in the produce isle.
(I have noticed it is worth comparing prices between the conventional and organic items.)

Believe it or not, sometimes the organic is cheaper or a few cents more. So item by item, I was going back and forth from one section of the produce department to the other, comparison shopping, when I noticed, many items were not stocked.

I asked the produce attendant to check in the back, first for broccoli, then for parsley, cilantro, and finally... when there was no kale for my green smoothies, I began to feel uh...frustrated.

This quickly turned into helplessness when I realized I spent 1/2 hour in the produce section with almost nothing to show for it in my cart. MELTDOWN. and so I began to cry. Over kale no less.

And I realized, 40 days in the desert is a profound action that has produced new perspectives.

Upon returning home, I can now see, I am seeing with new eyes. Things that are fast paced do not suit me as they did before. My internal speed is still...considerably slower than the average speed. This does not make for an Olympian gold in the true sense of the word but it has allowed me to do a little comparison shopping in the outer world.

I am preferring parks and playgrounds to malls and movies. I bask in the sun and look for excuses to be outside. I have not "put my thoughts together" on paper, until today.

Rather, I have enjoyed allowing the moments to blend and meld as thoughts swirl and whirl into a beautiful spin art of a life -- that is both enchanting and unpredictable.

Writing form Ann Arbor, Michigan, I was scheduled to be on a plane right now, returning from a scheduled trip to visit my mom.

She is out of breath. All the time. A diagnosis of emphysema and COPD in May has taken to her psyche like crazy glue to the skin. She is showing all the signs of authoritative projection incorporation. What the doctors say is gospel and she is the ultimate manifestation of the living word.

She is living their word -- so these past few days, my offer to her -- is to honor her voice within. I have advised and cajoled her to listen, with an open heart, to her inner wisdom and to deeply take stock of her inner awareness.

The results have been good as she has been proclaiming for the past two days, "Elizabeth, I am breathing well." And she is. I have changed my flight from today until Thursday and will escort her to the pulmonary specialist on Wednesday.

For Mom, I am an Olympian. When it comes to truly healing the heart -- the soul and the psyche, Mom's have a great impact on how far we can go.

My own personal Olympics is not what I expected... yet I am with full conviction that right here, right now ... I am going for the gold!