Living on An Ashram -- Yes I Can!

I am now living on an Ashram. How to go from complete silence and solitude to communal living, with constant activity, is beyond my comprehension. It has been an utter shock to my system and simultaneously, a dramatic test to anchor the wonderful practice of being present in the moment.


I have been helping in many ways, performing Karma Yoga, caring for the many guests that have arrived for the holiday weekend, cooking up a storm in the solar oven and learning the fine art of raw food preparation. I collect the lettuce from the garden for the salads and have learned to make a really good chai.


This morning I had a lesson in making chapati (Indian flat bread) and have been enjoying homemade Indian feasts. Everyday is bandara day at the ashram.


Yesterday was wonderful. I was the guardian for two young Taiwanese girls. Their mom had to drive 9 hours round trip to Denver to pick up her sister, who just arrived from Taiwan via San Francisco. The young girls, Lucia and Romona are 9 and 5 respectively. As a matter of fact, yesterday was Romona's birthday.


We began the day at a wonderful home town parade and enjoyed meeting the local children. Then we sauntered over to the horse stables, fed the goats and walked across the very cold creek, while throwing pebbles and taking pictures. It was a carefree day and reminded me of outings I had with my own children 15 years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed day. It was fun.


Someone asked me today if I was having fun here at the ashram and I could not wrap my mind around the word fun. Why was yesterday's fun so far from my conscious recollection of fun?


Maybe it has to do with my old perception of life as being fraught with responsibility, preparation, maintenance, having to's and not able to's; living with worry, concern anticipation.
OK, OK, it's true, I'm still falling victim to the worry wart mentality.

The spiritual leader of the ashram, Ramloti is leaving on Tuesday for a week and I'm feeling concerned about how the ashram will function without her. As these thoughts are stirring in my mind, I overhear her on the phone reporting to a friend that she is confident to leave the ashram because I am here.

It is just then, that I realize, I am being counted on and all the old performance anxieties rise up. "Stop it Liz," I command myself. "Step into your confidence. Be all that you are! Rise up from your little befuttled self and feel the glory of your being. "

Wow, this feels good. Yes, yes, I am competent, confident, fully able to serve and perform all my duties as they arise. I know I can, I know I can... just like the little engine that could. I remember reminding my own children of their wonderful capacity to meet all of life's challenges ... or opportunities... as the case may be and to this, I say... YES I Can - Yes, I AM!